My Heart
by charredfeathers
Summary: He never stopped hoping... despite knowing that his heart would be crushed into a million pieces. Hikaru's POV.


**My Heart**

**Summary:** He never stopped hoping…despite knowing that his heart would be crushed into a million pieces. Hikaru's POV.

**Author-person:** Title is inspired by Paramore's song. Waah… I love Paramore…

So… I'm sorry if my _other _promised fic hasn't come out yet. I'm having major trouble in planning events and I'm afraid that it won't be as good as the first one. I hope you'll give me some more time as I'm working on three fics right now… Gomenasai.

OOC-ness here.

First Ouran fic, so don't kill me, 'kay?

…

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this awesome anime', Ouran High School Host Club and I most definitely do not own this awesome song, My Heart (Paramore)

…

… _Stay with me,_

_This is what I need, please_

_Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you_

_We could sing our own_

_But what would it be without you…_

…

I was surprisingly stupid.

Heh. Was it really surprising?

I guess not…

Considering the fact that it took me all this time to realize what I really felt for her.

…

I had my headphones over my ears, the music too loud that I would probably go deaf if I'd turned it up a little higher.

Still, I could hear a bit of what was going on around me. Like Haruhi's muffled laughter and Milord's ridiculous screaming.

She was walking around the beach and picking up seashells in the sand. She was smiling and laughing and having fun.

With him, of course.

Our lord was a fun guy… annoying… but fun. He was overly optimistic, an idiot, but he was a gentleman, he was kind, and generous, and talented and friendly… simply put, he was everything I wasn't.

I envied him because of that.

I admit, I'm hot-tempered, totally full of myself and somewhat… spoiled. And I could never be half of the guy Suou Tamaki was. Not ever.

I could never be the fool that always made others feel good about themselves.

I could never be the fool that laughed and smiled even when he was in trouble.

… And I could never be the fool that everyone loved…

…the fool that Haruhi loved.

I knew all of those things and didn't need anyone else rubbing it in my face. I didn't need Kaoru reminding me all the time that I stood no chance against Tamaki when it came to winning Haruhi's heart.

At first I thought my twin was just being… well… selfish, because he didn't want me belonging to anyone else other than himself. I was the same with him.

But that was before I met Haruhi.

I realized over time that what Kaoru was saying was all true. I DIDN'T have a chance. Even if I did try a bazillion times, Milord would probably own me, despite him being the idiot that he was.

"Hikaru!"

I saw Haruhi and Tamaki waving from a distance. She was holding a huge purple shell, and he had an orange starfish stuck to his face.

I laughed.

Yeah, he was an idiot. A complete, utter imbecile that constantly made a fool out of himself. He wasn't deemed as Mr. Perfect because of that one flaw… But that supposed 'flaw' was one of the reasons that made Haruhi love him even more.

I suddenly wanted to become a moron, as weird as it may sound.

They went back to shell searching when Haruhi had pried the starfish from Milord's face. And I went back to my sound tripping and to degrading myself… Ahh… I can't believe it. Me, one of the vain ones… actually degrading myself. I must be nuts. Really nuts.

Haruhi knew by the way… my feelings for her, that is.

It amazes me how she's acting all normal despite knowing that I loved her.

Yes, it's not a crush. I LOVE her. Ugh. Why am I even saying this? It's obvious enough isn't it?

Anyway, she knew. I didn't tell her… she just… figured it out I guess. Either that or maybe Kaoru told her. I could tell by the way she talked to me and looked at me a little different than she used to.

Well, I feel kind of thankful. At least she's not humiliating me. Girls tend to do that sometimes. I'm not saying ALL girls… just some. The really vain ones in particular. Just because they know the guy likes them, they'd come up to him laugh at him and tell it to his face that they're not interested…

Really, isn't this what Kaoru and I used to do to girls who'd ask us out?

Thank god karma hasn't found its way to us.

Or maybe it already has. To me, at least.

Why else is it that the one girl I've ever really loved, is the one girl I can never really have?

It MUST be karma.

I slapped myself on the forehead. That last thought was stupid.

Of course it isn't karma that made Haruhi love Tamaki. It was Tamaki himself. Him and the unbelievable level of ignorance he's attained… Okay, I'm overstressing things… sorry. Jealousy's taking hold of my already conceited self… that's why I'm exaggerating.

Jealousy huh? I never really thought that I'd ever be jealous of someone before. With the money and attention I had, usually I would be the one others would be jealous of.

Whoah. Major conceitedness there.

Anyway, up until now, I've never really thought that I'd care for someone as much as I cared for Kaoru.

Did I really care for that person so much that it made me jealous whenever she was with someone else? Did I love this person more than I loved my own brother?

Haruhi is that one person that made me think twice at whatever selfish thing I was doing… the only one that made me feel guilty about being spoiled and the only one that ever made me consider other peoples' feelings.

You could say she changed my life.

And that made me love her even more.

I was a hopeless case, as my brother would say… but I didn't give a damn.

Whenever I looked at her so desperately that I was almost begging her to love me back, or when she was crying and I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that it was all okay…

Tamaki was the one she'd love back. Tamaki was the one she'd always cry to.

It was always him… Always Tamaki.

And it tore my heart into a million pieces when I heard her say that she loved him.

But I insisted on being the one that never gave up. I didn't care if she would reject me a million times or if she would tell me off for being too goddamn stubborn… I didn't even care if she hates me for feeling this way for her. Because right now, the only thing that I knew… is that I loved her.

I kept on hoping even when I knew that I had no chance, even when I knew Tamaki was a greater person than I was, even when I knew that Haruhi had given her whole heart to someone else… and…

Even when I knew that she would never love me…

I kept on hoping…

Because my heart belonged to her…

…and nothing could ever change that.

And so, all I can do is look at her from a distance, satisfied with her being happy even if she wasn't in my arms… satisfied with just being the person that admired her…

Because knowing that she would always be there…

...made my heart content.

….

_This heart it beats,_

_Beats for only you_

_This heart it beats,_

_Beats for only you…_

_This heart it beats,_

_Beats for only you…_

_My heart is yours…_

….

**END**

**Author-person: **I was a bit unsure of this one. It was one of those spur-of-the-moment fics, I guess.

I want to apologize for Hikaru's OOC-ness… I kind of overdid it. But I just wanted to make him sound so… sad. Mainly coz he's a guy who's never experienced heartbreak before… hehe…

I hope that some of you guys liked it!


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